"trying to fit the world inside a picture frame"

The running family joke is 'go blog about it' and while I enjoy it {especially the comments} I don't have the same desire to jump on and share. Something has shifted and while I like having a visual reminder of the way I spend my days, when it comes down to it I rather just keep enjoying life than stop to 'go blog about it'. I heard this song by an artist I don't care for much, but the lyrics are perfect for how I feel.

I'm writing you to catch you up on places I've been
You held this letter probably got excited,
But there's nothing else inside it

Didn't have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world with both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it
When I'm in the mood
To lose my way
With words

Today skies are painted colors of a cowboy's cliche'
And strange how clouds that look like mountains
In the sky are next to mountains anyway

Didn't have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world with both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it
When I'm in the mood
To lose my way but let me say

You should have seen that sunrise
With your own eyes
It brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
No more 3x5's

Guess you had to be there
Guess you had to be with me
Today I finally overcame
Tryin' to fit the world inside a picture frame
Maybe I will tell you all about it
When I'm in the mood
To lose my way but let me say

You should have seen that sunrise
With your own eyes
It brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
No more 3x5's
Just no more 3x5's

{song by John Mayer}

Another sun filled afternoon spent with Grandma's playing the usual game of choice. {She didn't take any prisoners this time, wiped me right out w/out even an apology.}

our fears are only

Parts of songs just seem to stick to me. "Our fears are only what we tell them to be" from part of a Norah Jones song hangs around and makes me smile. Personal U2 favorite, "I still don't know what I'm looking for" came along tonight and also made me smile for completely different reasons.
I just had a gorgeous day. Rainy and quiet at work, I was able to concentrate on bidding a job that scares me. I like being scared. I went to a design event that I won't really touch on here because for once I'm just not really in the mood to talk design {woah, right?}
Dinner afterward with people who I think are wonderful. It was one of those moments where I could really sit back, look around me and think I'm so lucky to know people like this.
My dear friend Lorri and I were still ready to play after dinner as everyone scattered so we meandered in the general direction of a ping pong table. {yes, I have them scouted out for such occasions.} Along the way we talked architectural details, one of our favorite reoccurring conversations, and then we battled it out with that little white ball that makes such a satisfying 'ping' noise I absolutely can't get enough of it. I love it so much the back part of my head gets tingly if I get too excited about it. That never happens any other time. I think I was meant to be a ping pong champion.
We were a hazard on the road because we were still on the architectural detail thing so we stopped and walked for blocks around the avenues picking favorites and picking things apart of course. Critical eye never sleeps.
It is times like that where I feel like I am right where I'm supposed to be in life. Or right on the cusp of it. Do you know this feeling? Like I'm completely content at the same time as feeling like there is so much that I'm missing. It isn't a frustrating thing, it feels like a chilled version of anticipation. That doesn't make sense does it? But it does to me. It is a familiar feeling. Just like the U2 lyrics, I am still looking but I know what it is and I know it'll come, but I'm not in any hurry so I'm enjoying every moment twice for fear of not appreciating my life properly.
Wow, tangent, glad the cat is truly back. It wouldn't be my blog without rambling entries about nothing and everything at once.

the first day of the rest

I woke up this morning with a major chip on my shoulder. {the fun kind, not the moody kind} How dare this day come already! I'm not ready to join the working professionals completely! I've so much enjoyed being a student.

I've been ignoring the question looming around the periphery I'm not ready to address. The huge question of 'now what'?

Now what?

I know I'm not expected to have all the answers to that question, which is good, because I don't ever seem to have them. I do have a plan that reaches to the new year and from there it will propel me into completely uncharted waters, if nothing gets in the way. I say that because part of the reason I've set the goal for January is to give life a chance to throw me a loop. I like the unexpected, I'm kinda used to it.

I've been thinking about the gray evening I drove the Comfort. Almost 900 feet of steel, nothing to it right? Within the first seconds of my command {I like the sound of that} I'd let the wheel spin 15 degrees off course and the Second Mate practically dove out of the control room to come rescue us all joking tersely that we'd have calls coming in from the Commodore asking what the big jolt was all about. I thought he was overreacting a bit much. I doubt anyone felt it. {I hope.}

I was given the wheel as the CIVMAR currently on duty told me over his shoulder as he left the bridge, "Just keep it 5 degrees on either side of our course and you'll be fine." He had complete faith in me that I could do this one thing for him while he ran an errand. I'd been around enough to be able to mimick what I'd seen him do for hours as we redesigned his condo in our minds back in Norfolk to pass time {ever the designer, even at sea.}

Reacting to the changing waters, the way it pushes against the ship, is tiring. Constantly fighting to correct the course was tedious. I was stressed out in the first 15 minutes and these guys did this in four hour shifts. What I quickly learned was there is a finesse to working the wheel back and forth to the rhythm of the ocean to continue in a relatively straight line. I took a step back and took a breath. No way could I ever admit defeat to those salty dogs. With determined patience I would anticipate the next move the sea would make, make a move of my own, then sit back to see how it'd go. Soon I was keeping it within 5 degrees just the way I was asked to do and really enjoying watching the horizon run on for miles ahead of me.

The reason I was thinking about that today was because the significance of setting a direction seems to be all I can think about. I can't see the straight line to travel that will lead me toward my ultimate happiness and I guess there never is one. {dangit.}

But unlike this experience where I was thrown into the situation without any idea how to accomplish what I had set out to do, I'm at least confident that I have a few options up my sleeve worth examining. That's the real test. Being in tune enough to know when the right one is right. I'm excited, I'm scared, I'm more than a little sad that this chapter is closing. I'm to the part where I don't even know where to find it in me to be enthused by the unknown. It'll catch on soon, I hope.

Until then, I'll just keep it within 5 degrees on either side of what I think to be my best path and listen for those little ques to whether or not I'm doing it right.

Carter in beautiful Dominican Republic

I've been getting more emails recently from my friend Carter, who now lives in the Dominican Republic after the earthquake destroyed his home and school in Haiti. Thought I'd share a bit of his last email. He is so awesome and inspiring.

"...I was born money less but God gave me a fortune that is my knowledge and intelligency to live and I have used it properly because I used it to help others and I thank Lord for such a great opportunity he gave me to be alive still.
As you said , he has reason for that. Now I live in the DR for some times because I have lost every thing but I still have my family which so precious for me..."

I have great memories of the DR, I think he'll be happy there and because of his tenacity he'll find work, I know he'll be just fine.

Happy Easter

I've been looking forward to tomorrow all week. Happy Easter Everyone.

Easter sunrise services in Haiti last year.

toppins, toppins

I saw this guy on South Temple this afternoon and flipped around to get a closer look. Those birds were crawling all over him.

bright and early mornings for my Historical Furnishing class. We're to the Italian Renaissance, I can't say Baroque with out adding {to myself} 'If it's not Baroque, don't fix it' - Beauty & the Beast.

the showroom is my playground. It's great because I can break all kinds of design rules as I mix with abandon. I get a kick out of pulling together furniture and accessories into displays that are everything to do with showing off the merchandise and making each item seem special. It would never work in a real room because I throw out proportion and scale {and the fact that most people don't like to mix as much as I do} but I hope that it is a look that makes our customers want to take everything home with them. Have I mentioned yet today that I adore my job?

my school chums at the IIDA Opening Social. Without these girls school wouldn't be the same. Adrienne {also my CAD tutor}, Christi, and Lorri {we're in the IIDA Presidency together}.

my same + love list

'my same' is the song that I'm listening to for who knows how many times tonight. I have my Adele play list on repeat. I knew it was time for a new loving list because I'm loving way too many things. I love my newly fixed mouse {that has never worked for a whole year now}. And the fact that it is my bedtime {after my blog fix} and, and, and... it was just time to list a few loved things.

other things I have a crazy love for: AutoCAD.on.my.very.own.laptop!! Brought to me by student version access. Gone are the days of crowded computer labs at the school. Hello to a shiny new era of doing my drawings in the comfort of my own room {geared in uggs, mismatched outfits topped with a scarf and energized by Hi Chew candy}

this chesterfield sofa - claret red. Doesn't it scream 'loaf on me instead of going to class?' I picked it for my bakery/gallery/hangout Bunnell House project currently invading my life. The Bunnell House is a circa 1919 Pioneer home located smack dab in the middle of the UVU Campus. Desperately needing a face lift and some major work turning it into anything more than a storage wasteland{what it is used for now} would be the ideal outcome for this little gem. But this project will never be. Sorry advocates, maybe I shouldn't be so pessimistic {re:realistic} I just don't see how the $500 k needed to restore it will ever be allocated when it is in the way of more parking.
However, Kudos to my Studio II instructor for coming up with such an interesting project. The Bunnell House is protected by the Historical Register so the things I'm doing to it would never be allowed, even were the funds found to be spent. {Oh the freedom of being an un-budgeted dreamer.}

more things to make the list: ncis. new/old memories blending. snow on top of the mountains and crisp mornings. getting paid to live my dream. good times chasing moose shadows in the mountains {image stolen from that sunny fall afternoon above} Grandma's house tonight - she is one of my very most favorites. Ever.